My First Mothers Day With No Mother

mother's day no mother

Mother’s day just passed and it reminded me that it has been close to a year since I lost my mother to suicide. This was my first mother’s day without her and I will be honest, it didn’t turn out the way I thought it would. I believed that I would spend most of the day being sad and reminiscing on her memory.

But for some reason, I didn’t do that…

Instead, I spent most of the day thinking of how she would feel about the way people have acted since her death. You see, my mother was no where near a “perfect woman” but she definitely tried her hardest. She may not have always gotten things right, but best believe, if you said “Hey, please don’t do this..” or “Please do this…” she would make every effort to do so.

I loved the fact that I could always come to her with any problems that I had and talk to her about what was going on in my life. I never had to fear that she would judge me or diminish my life goals. I knew that she was in my corner no matter what.

What I am learning is that relationships are not all created equal. Since her death, I have had to find other people to confide in and pour my heart out to in her absence. I can use one hand to count how many people have made the cut so far.

During the time of her funeral, so many people claimed they were here for me and would be looking out for me in the future. Guess how many of those same people have actually reached out to me in the past year to see how I’m doing?

I’ll give you a hint: it’s a single digit number.

Does this bother me?

No.

What bothers me is that I know my mother would give these people a good earful of truth if she was still alive. I can only imagine how many calls and texts I would be getting if she had anything to say about it!

She would not stand for mistreatment. Especially when it came from family. She was truly a great mother…

On this mother’s day, I sat back and observed. I didn’t do the obligatory “RIP Mother, I’ll miss you” social media post. I didn’t feel that was necessary because I carry my mother in my heart every day, not just on mother’s day.

I began to wonder about some of the posts that I did see though. I wondered how many people posted “Happy mother’s day” but haven’t had a real conversation with their mother all year. I wondered how many people ‘celebrate’ mother’s day out of obligation.

It hurt my feelings a bit to know that there are actually people who celebrate mother’s day simply because they are expected to. Some mothers don’t have any interest in your goals or what you want out of life and will flat out laugh in your face when you tell them your plans. As if to say “Why would you think you can do that?” instead of “What’s your plan to get there?”.

Some mother’s will disrespect you and then expect you to just deal with it because they’re your mother. To me, familial relationships are just like any other and they take work from both parties.

The only difference with familial relationships is that you don’t get to choose them. I think that this fact is the main reason why so many family relationships fall apart. People think that just because you’re related, you owe them some type of special treatment. That might be true early in life when you’re a child and don’t know any better, but as you get older that way of thinking doesn’t work. You realize that effective communication, genuine interest, and support are essential to any relationship. As you get older, you start to realize what you’re willing to accept and what you’re not.

It’s sad to me that there are people out there that refuse to understand this fact.

I think that’s what actually bothered me the most this mother’s day. Knowing that people get caught up in their family roles so much that they forget to actually put any effort into their family relationships.

When my mother died, I was glad that I at least had a close relationship with her. I may not have known everything that was going on in her mind, but I knew everything that was going on in her heart.

I wish that everyone could have that type of relationship with their loved ones. If you’re reading this and you feel like there are people that you should reach out to, I beg you to do it.

Don’t wait until it’s too late…

– MR


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