According to some things that I have read, surviving the suicide of a loved one puts me at an increased risk for suicide and depression.
Is this actually true?
I don’t really know how I feel about that.
Immediately after everything happened, it felt like I was living in a fish bowl. I felt like people were looking at me and waiting for me to freak out or have some sort of traumatic breakdown. Thankfully, that hasn’t happened (yet) and I’m pretty sure that it won’t.
One thing that I don’t think anyone expected for me to do is to try and get my life back on track so soon. I re-enrolled in my leadership program that I was in for my job and I will resume my MBA course work in the Fall.
Losing my mother is by far the hardest thing that I have ever had to endure in my life. This type of thing stops most people from ever regaining their foothold and moving forward with their lives. I know in my heart that she wouldn’t want me to use her death as an excuse to stop striving to be excellent. It would be easy for me to slack off at work and not go back to school because I’m just not ready to jump back into my life yet.
It would almost be like saying “I’m giving up right now so don’t bother me”.
I’ll admit that it is still taking a lot out of me to try and be the person that I was before. Especially since I know that when I win awards or do big things in my life, I can’t call her and tell her about it. I won’t be able to log into Facebook anymore and see that she’s ALREADY shared all my accomplishments.
With her friends AND my friends, even before I get the chance to do so.
I think that I would seriously disappoint my mother if I said that I’m giving up.
She would tell me not to let anything or anyone keep me from achieving my goals. She may not be here on earth anymore, but I know that she’s in Heaven still rooting for me to win.
And if there’s a Facebook in the Heaven, she’s already telling her friends about the things I’m going to do next…
One thought on “I’m Giving Up”
Very well said. It’s not easy to keep your head up and keep going, but it’s something you have to do. If you stop moving forward the desire to improve things leave you. Your Mom would never want you to give up, she would be so proud you are striving for best. Love you much.