I have a theory that I have believed for a long time, that broken people help to create more broken people. What do I mean by that? I think that the act of cheating creates a vicious cycle in most cases because the person who gets cheated on will eventually go out and cheat on someone else. And sadly, this is something that I am very familiar with.
I always like to talk about the dirt that I’ve done in the past. When I was in high school I had my fair share of relationships and ‘extra-curricular’ activities. I pledged KAΨ while I was in college and this caused my social scene exposure to skyrocket. That caused a few problems for me because I was always at parties and greek events that brought me into contact with a lot of people. I had a girlfriend named Lisa, at the time, but I was never in any state of mind to actually be “faithful”. I feel somewhat sorry for her because she was at a disadvantage from the very start of our relationship, but she never really knew it.
All of my earlier relationships ended because of infidelity, but it was because my girlfriends were the ones doing the cheating – yes, women cheat as well. Shocking right? You probably don’t believe me so I’ll give you a few examples. A girl I was with for a little while named Sonya cheated on my with my own cousin and then 3-way called me with him on the phone to confess about it. Another girl I dated, Nina, was a few years older than me and my family didn’t really like her too much, but I loved her. We dated for a while until she had sex with one of her exes at a party and her friends told me about it.
My next serious relationship was with a girl named Tasha. She was kind of a special case because we dated off and on and went to different schools. I used to joke about how innocent I thought she was. She had a brief fling with a guy that I knew before we ever dated (a fling that never quite went away). And in between one of our breakups she had a very risque rendezvous with one of my best friends. To top it all off, I ended up getting engaged to Lisa while I was in college and as life would have it, she had sex with one of her exes about 2 weeks later. Chalk that up to karma or the broken people cycle.
Whatever the case, relationships are hard enough, but I feel like we make them infinitely harder when we continue these cycles of brokenness. Broken people often seek out other broken people, and sometimes when they don’t find another broken person they consciously or subconsciously create another broken person.
I was the “victim” many times in my early relationships, but at some point I decided that I would just do the cheating myself instead of waiting to get my feelings hurt, because I just knew that it would eventually happen. In hindsight, that was probably not so smart of an idea. Regardless of that fact, I think it’s important for us to be open and honest with ourselves in these situations. I wish I would have convinced myself that what happened wasn’t my fault and that I didn’t have to be unfaithful just to protect myself.
9 thoughts on “Why Men Cheat”
I agree but i also disagree. I do believe that broken people can break others but in my case, he was cheating for other reasons, he grew up being a womanizer and wwhen we got married I would constantly catch him up doing some really grimmy things. I never cheated or retaliated by cheating, i was in the military working hard everyday, walking to work daily pregnant while he was at school, when really he wasnt going to classes but staying home to mess with the neighbor. he had it all and still does 7 years later, i believe in working thru things especially when you dont want to break up the family, but then 7 years later another woman is contacting me on facebook about him. So now im finally fed up and want to move on but he doesnt, he suddenly straightens up 7 years later but my heart is hardened now. I was ready at the beginning and he wasnt, thats why he cheated. I forced a man to marry me that really wasnt ready to commit and now a child is involved so I have to play it safe.
I do believe that broken people will break other people. This is what they know. Either by it happening to them or exposure by people they love and admire. Honesty is the key. Before you can be honest with your partner you have to be honest with yourself. We rarely do that.
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You are definitely right about that. We just have to make the decision to stop the cycle! Thanks for reading.
I think the main reason men cheat is because women allow them to , women know when the man they are with is cheating, but they don’t care if it’s not happening to them, they have a relationship with them and feel nothing for the other women, until he cheats on them. A man will have his cake and eat it too, we as women should put a stop to our part in this cheating , if you don’t know at first, get out as soon as you find out that he’s a player.
Definitely true. The cycle is vicious indeed! Thanks for commenting.
Derell, there's no reason to be honest today..Cheat today got a new girl or guy tomorrow. I agree that hurt people, hurt people. Quite often, we (men and women), after being cheated on fail to take some time out for healing……Dangerous!!!! We're all emotional beings, some less than others so we attempt to “settle the score.” We go out and do what was done to us, believing that a point has been made……Nope!!! because were acting out of emotions and not logic we just keep racking up more Hurt and Disappointment, thus a viscious cycle….Cheating!!! Until we get tired and know that life has so much more to offer. I wish folks knew how much Cheating hurts all parties involved!!!
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Precisely the point. Thanks for reading and commenting!
Ha! I love your thoughts on this….God is capable of doing Everything, Anything if we would just get up and do Something!!!