I have a theory that I have believed for a long time, that broken people help to create more broken people. What do I mean by that? I think that the act of cheating creates a vicious cycle in most cases because the person who gets cheated on will eventually go out and cheat on someone else. And sadly, this is something that I am very familiar with.
I always like to talk about the dirt that I’ve done in the past. When I was in high school I had my fair share of relationships and ‘extra-curricular’ activities. I pledged KAΨ while I was in college and this caused my social scene exposure to skyrocket. That caused a few problems for me because I was always at parties and greek events that brought me into contact with a lot of people. I had a girlfriend named Lisa, at the time, but I was never in any state of mind to actually be “faithful”. I feel somewhat sorry for her because she was at a disadvantage from the very start of our relationship, but she never really knew it.
All of my earlier relationships ended because of infidelity, but it was because my girlfriends were the ones doing the cheating – yes, women cheat as well. Shocking right? You probably don’t believe me so I’ll give you a few examples. A girl I was with for a little while named Sonya cheated on my with my own cousin and then 3-way called me with him on the phone to confess about it. Another girl I dated, Nina, was a few years older than me and my family didn’t really like her too much, but I loved her. We dated for a while until she had sex with one of her exes at a party and her friends told me about it.
My next serious relationship was with a girl named Tasha. She was kind of a special case because we dated off and on and went to different schools. I used to joke about how innocent I thought she was. She had a brief fling with a guy that I knew before we ever dated (a fling that never quite went away). And in between one of our breakups she had a very risque rendezvous with one of my best friends. To top it all off, I ended up getting engaged to Lisa while I was in college and as life would have it, she had sex with one of her exes about 2 weeks later. Chalk that up to karma or the broken people cycle.
Whatever the case, relationships are hard enough, but I feel like we make them infinitely harder when we continue these cycles of brokenness. Broken people often seek out other broken people, and sometimes when they don’t find another broken person they consciously or subconsciously create another broken person.
I was the “victim” many times in my early relationships, but at some point I decided that I would just do the cheating myself instead of waiting to get my feelings hurt, because I just knew that it would eventually happen. In hindsight, that was probably not so smart of an idea. Regardless of that fact, I think it’s important for us to be open and honest with ourselves in these situations. I wish I would have convinced myself that what happened wasn’t my fault and that I didn’t have to be unfaithful just to protect myself.