Yes, you read that correctly. My wife and I flat out refuse to have children for the time being. We are a twenty-something couple that has been married for just shy of 2 years, but we don’t want to bear any offspring just yet. Even though we both agree on this, you would not believe how many people continue to ask us, “When are you two going to have children?”
I have quite a few problems with this question.
First of all, I view this as a slight invasion of our privacy. I fail to comprehend why complete strangers feel that it is socially acceptable to ask someone when they are going to have children. Would it be okay for me to go up to someone with 5 children and ask, “Hey, when are you going to stop having kids?” Of course not. That would be rude, right? What if we’ve been trying to have kids and can’t? Or had a kid and they died or something? If you don’t know the circumstances behind the decision then it’s really better to just not ask.
Here’s the real deal though, we don’t want kids yet because we know we aren’t ready. Don’t get me wrong, we would both make great, dare I say, amazing parents but that is a lifestyle that we just aren’t quite ready to adopt just yet. Do away with the pitchforks and axes, we both love children, but for the time being we like them a whole helluva lot better when they have parents that we can return them to.
Nowadays, people look at you as if you are weird if you’ve been married for more than 6 months and don’t have a bun in the oven yet. I don’t understand this because it’s not like we need to populate our home so that we have extra hands to take care of a farm or something. It used to be common practice to immediately start having kids and then raise them to help out around the house. It also used to be a common practice to stone women for having children out of wedlock, but you don’t see people asking why we don’t still do that anymore, do you?
There are times that I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I see families or even single parents that have an overabundance of children that they can’t give proper care to. If you know that you can’t even provide a healthy lifestyle for the kids you already have, then why on Earth would you continue to have more and more? I guess most people don’t really think of it that way but that’s how I see it. We are doing our future children a favor by waiting until we can give them the best life that they deserve, rather than rushing into parenthood just so that we can start scheduling play dates and having extra topics of conversation to share with the other parents in the neighborhood.
I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry that we don’t want kids yet. We’ll have them one of these days, but for now we’re just enjoying our time learning to live with each other before we throw a little one into the mix. Plus, that gives us extra time and money to spend on doing things to enhance our life currently so that when the time does come, we’ll actually have some valuable experiences and even material things to pass along.
There are enough children living with “just enough” – we’re content on waiting until we can give them more than they could ever dream of.
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What are your views? Can you see where I’m coming from or do you think we’re being irrational? Let me know in the comments below.
Unsolicited Truth 
you have very eloquently and respectfully took the words right out of my mouth. YES, derell! there is a time and place for two married partners to procreate offsprings. i admit this to my family almost religiously. i am in a happy and committed relationship with my partner of 4 years. we do see a future together that includes a ring and possibly a brood as well. but we are in no rush to start popping out kins because well, we feel it's best to wait for those special moments. being a millennial, i've seen numerous friends post their sonograms and newborn pictures on the daily. and i have nothing but well wishes for their future. but, sometimes i press the same concerns that you stated. “are they really positively, mentally, physically and indebtedly prepared to bring a little one into the world?” (again?! for some).
however, i don't seem to let that thought bother me. to each their own. it's a beautiful thing i'm sure to start a family. but in such case, i feel that your partner and you have the right mindset. i commend your decisions to wait for perfect timing. i know we are.
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That is exactly how my wife and I feel. When people find out how young my wife and I are they always ask “Why did you get married so early?” and then they like to ask “When are you going to have children”. I honestly feel like it's none of their business in the first place, I can hardly understand why folks feel that it's acceptable to ask personal questions like that. I commend you and your husband for sticking to your own plan and not letting everyone else's comments affect your decisions. I definitely think it's more important to work on the marriage for a while first and get all of the kinks worked out first before you decide to bring children into the equation. So you hit the nail on the head with that one. Thank you so much for reading and commenting, I definitely appreciate it!
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I know exactly what you mean. I went through many years of uncomfortable, rude questions. I married my husband at 23 after 3 years of dating. At that time everyone already expected I was pregnant because why on earth would I get married at such young age. Well, I was not pregnant, I was simply in love and ready to commit to my husband forever. He was 26 at the time and advised by his father to absolutely not get married until he was 30, as if that was some magical umber at which a man is old enough to be a husband. Well, we got married anyway. After many months of explaining I was not pregnant and we “JUST” got married because we loved each other and we wanted to be husband and wife, the questions about when I will be pregnant started. My close friend had a baby and all of a sudden it appeared I needed to join her ASAP. Questions like “when are you FINALLY going to have a baby?.” Really? Finally? As if I was near my expiration date!! I was 25 at the time!!
I just don't understand why people think it is in any way their business to ask such questions. I always loved and wanted children I just simply did not want them then. I enjoyed being married, taking weekend road trips and exploring the area, taking hikes, travelling to Europe and just be a couple. I knew these things will be less possible with an infant, and I did not want to have regrets. I became a mom almost 6 months ago, at the age of 29 and it is more amazing than I could have imagined and I can enjoy motherhood without resenting my child for being an obstacle to my freedom. It is a huge challenge and it is very hard sometimes, but I feel because we waited we are more prepared for this. We know each other better, we are close, we are a team. It took many years to get here and I feel these years prepared us for the sleepless nights and stress and knowing how to handle the situation and each other. Thinking clearly after 2 hours of sleep is not always possible so loving relationship is the best foundation to handle parenthood and not kill each other in the process. Taking the time to build that foundation is very important. Thanks for you article and many other posts I enjoyed reading 😉
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You understand exactly where I'm coming from! I absolutely hate seeing families where I could probably guess that they would have been better off not having children. People decide to have kids before they are ready and the only one who really suffers is the child. I'm glad that my wife and I are on the same page about it whether or not anyone else agrees with us or not. You're not young or disappointing, you're actually pretty smart for acknowledging the truth about what you want for your own life! Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I hope you continue to enjoy my posts!!
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So refreshing to see someone who can logically plan their life. I don't want children because I'm selfish and I would not be willing to make the kind of sacrafices involved with having kids. I'm just flat out not interested in doing it and it infuriates me to no end that people will dismiss my feelings or thoughts on the matter as “you're young”, “disappointing” “you'll die alone” etc. It really makes me wonder why some people even have children, it's as if they would prefer to pro-create instead of understanding that you're supposed to give that individual a very solid foundation so they can have a productive future.
I really enjoy your posts by the way.
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Well as long as you are making a conscious effort to provide a good life for your child then I guess that's more than anyone can ask for. I just hate to see children in bad situations that they don't deserve. Good on you two!
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Thank God no one stoned me! But I must say I am doing great as a mother though. Though my partner and I aren't married yet, we are working hard to give our lovely baby boy a good life. 🙂
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Precisely, I don't understand why we get funny looks for our decision to 'not' have kids right now but people are being celebrated for having multiple children out of wedlock or having more kids than they can take care of. Thank you!
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This is most definitely what we are doing. Enjoying our time with each other before we bring children into the equation.
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Can't blame you at all for your decision! I have never had the desire to have kids of my own and have spoken about it before, I was actually told that I was a “disappointment” for my choice, as if my choice affects the well being of the earth somehow lol You and your wife should be celebrated for being happy and |on the same page| about your decision!
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I think that is why couples get divorced to. I realize sometimes obligation is a big stress.
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Here, here! Don't do it til you're ready. Enjoy being a couple first.
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This is definitely true. We just deal with so many people who feel the need to push their opinions on us that it becomes frustrating at times. Thank you for reading!
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It is your decision on when you choose to have or not have children. You are doing what makes you happy as a couple .
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