Everything, right? You voluntarily sign up to deal with someone else’s personal life – the good and the bad. That doesn’t sound like much fun too me, but people do it all the time. I’m only kidding, relationships aren’t all that bad if you actually know what you’re getting into before you make the jump. I’m married, and I won’t lie, it’s hard. But I’m becoming a better husband with each passing day because I realize what I signed up for.
I have experienced my fair share of relationships during the quarter-century that I’ve spent on God’s great green Earth, and let me tell you, they were not perfect by anyone’s standards. Both parties played into the downfall of the relationships but I take full credit for my contributions to their demise. Here are the top top 6 reasons that I believe to be the most common relationship killers.
When you decide to begin a serious relationship with someone it is important to realize that they have their own life, attitude, personal beliefs and habits that you will eventually have to deal with. It would behoove you to go beyond physical attraction and figure out if you are just as infatuated with their personality as you are with their looks, or muscles, or whatever floats your boat. During the friend phase you have to delve deeper into the false persona displayed during the initial stages of “I want you to like me”. We aren’t our normal selves when we first start getting to know someone new, and knowing this fact alone will exponentially increase your chances of making a good decision of whether or not you will start planning your escape from the friendzone.
Specifically, I’m referring to jumping into a relationship with someone before you are personally ready. This is a common problem for most guys more than it is for women. The vast majority of the time, nobody has the clearest idea of the person that they want to be with, but they do have a desire to be with “someone” in general. We often jump into commitments physically before we are mentally prepared to make that type of decision. Ask your self if you are truly ready for everything that comes with a relationship BEFORE you commit to one.
I’m not talking about being a cunning linguist or the word that you thought that was before you re-read what I wrote, I’m talking about arguments. Granted, all couples argue. My wife says, “if a couple never argues, one of them is lying”. I fully agree with that statement but I also believe in moderation and censorship. In a healthy relationship the individuals have the decency to still respect each other even in the midst of a verbal confrontation. They can lay out their thoughts logically and get their point across or admit that they are wrong. A common killer in relationships is when one or both partners feel the need to always be “right”. They will go to all ends of the earth to prove a point and may even put each other down along the way. If that is a person that you are committed to and say that you love, then why would you purposefully hurt them with the things that you say in a disagreement?
I would say that this probably happens in almost every relationship. You’ve got the person you want, you have been together long enough that you know each other pretty well, and things are good. You don’t have to work so hard now because the battle to win them is over, right? Wrong. The work is never done. You have to constantly put forth effort to keep the relationship going. Show your partner how much you love them buy giving them gifts at times other than holidays, leaving notes for each other to find, simply spending quality time together, etc. There are plenty of ways to do this but you have to find out what works for you. And NEVER stop “courting” each other. You should have fun in your relationship or else…
One or both partners may start to feel like they made a bad choice. This is where the little nagging thoughts of “what if I hadn’t gotten with THIS person but had instead gotten with THAT person” start to come up. Honestly, things may be perfect and you may still get those thoughts from time to time. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, the amount of focus that goes into those thoughts is what kills relationships. If you are constantly focusing on what could be and what isn’t then you will never appreciate what you DO have. And that type of action might even lead to..
Probably one of the worst things you can do in a relationship, but it happens all of the time. But why? Are these people sex addicts? Do they just not care about their partners? Or do they do it simply for the hell of it? Honestly, it is different case by case. The most common cause is a lack of sex or lack of emotionally intimacy. Deprive someone of sex long enough and they will likely find it somewhere else (not all the time, but definitely most). The same is true for emotional intimacy – we all want to have someone who listens to our innermost desires and fears and will be there for us. Your partner should be the first person that you go to in order to fill that need and if it isn’t then I’m sorry, that’s considered cheating. And even though it may not be physical infidelity, emotionally you belong to someone else. The act of cheating isn’t what kills the relationship though, it’s all about what happens to you when you do it. Your partner may never find out and you may even feel justified in your actions, but your feelings and actions toward your partner will change. The time and energy you put into the person outside of your relationship is time and energy your partner doesn’t get. So you may think that you’re solving your own problem and filling your needs but you’re really creating more work for the both of you, especially if you don’t let the relationship go in the process. The more you cheat, the more disconnected you become and the more the problems will continue to mount.
I’m not a relationship expert or counselor but I’ve been in every single one of these situations and I have witnessed all of these things first hand. Take everything with a grain of salt because I do realize that what works for one couple may not work for the next. I believe relationships can be a profoundly wonderful experience when the right amount of effort is involved. So, take a look at your own relationships and see which categories you fit into and see if it might be time for a change. Or maybe I’m just blowing smoke and have no idea what I’m talking about.
What would you add or remove from this list?? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below