Why You Shouldn’t Plan On Getting Married

why you shouldn't plan on getting married
“When a man and a woman fall in love with each other they get married and start a family and live happily-ever-after…”


That is the lie that most of us are told from a fairly early age.  Love stories, television shows, and movies paint a majestic picture of wedding bells and houses with picket fences, but honestly you should stop wasting your time.

Have you ever stopped to think about why people actually get married? Our current culture would lead you to believe that it’s solely based on love and finding the right person, but in reality people get married for a variety of other reasons too.

Security. Money. Boredom. Social status. Etc.

More often than not, people also get married simply because they feel like it’s time to do so. My wife and I have come to agree that some individuals are more concerned with getting married rather than actually being and staying married. She recently said, “You always hear girls say that they have their whole wedding planned out from the dress, to the location, colors, and decorations but they are just waiting on the guy to complete the ceremony…” She’s absolutely right, why are you looking for someone to complete your plans when you could be finding someone to complete your life. As a society, we put too much emphasis on what things look like. That person looks happy. They look like they have a great relationship. They look like they have it all together. Ultimately, this leads to people getting caught up in trying to put on a good show for the world. If you think about it, that’s all a wedding really is. Sure, it may be a time for the two families and friends to get together and congratulate the bride and groom and share in their coming together — but is that really what the focus is on?

Here’s the short answer: Nope.

The couple has to make sure that their location is perfect, the food is delicious, the decorations are pretty, the colors match, and that the DJ plays good music — or else everyone will judge them because they didn’t have a good time. But why does any of that even matter when all you need in order to get married is a bride, a groom, a minister, and a witness. Seriously, that’s what we did. My wife and I had an understanding, we wanted our marriage to be about US and we wanted it to work. Doing things this way gave us an opportunity to simply be married without all of the undue stress caused by wedding planning. Not to mention, we didn’t start our life together with empty pockets! I’m just saying.

Marriage is hard enough as it is, so going into it with extra pressure to perform well in front of a crowd is just unfair. Listen, I’m not saying that weddings are bad, I’m just saying that they aren’t the most important part. The foundation is set at the beginning of the marriage and both people have to realize the amount of work that will be involved. In our situation, we waited a whole freaking year before we actually had a wedding ceremony simply because it was not at the top of our agenda. Every single detail was what ‘we’ wanted regardless of what anyone else would think, because we really had no desire to impress anyone. It may not work for all or even most people, but we got married because we loved each other and wanted a marriage, a partnership. Weddings usually last for a night but marriages are supposed to last for a lifetime — You know, til death do us part.

I digress, all I’m trying to say is…

Stop planning for your wedding — start planning for your life.

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17 thoughts on “Why You Shouldn’t Plan On Getting Married

  1. Amy Snyder says:

    Wow! “why are you looking for someone to complete your plans when you could be finding someone to complete your life.” < ---- Ah-mazing statement! I will have to remember that one! So glad you stopped by journeywithamy.blogspot.com! You are right - this post had some similarities of mine. I agree with everything you said. We had a small wedding, nothing over-the-top fancy. It was nice. The people that were there were the ones who "wanted" to be there. I will never forget about the flood of emotions that came over me as I was "trying" to say my vows. I literally got in mid-sentence of the vow and could not speak! It was great! Ahhhh....love. But love and marriage takes LOTS of hard work! So worth it though! I am definitely following your blog now!

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  2. Derrell Jamison says:

    Learning to live with someone else is definitely one of the harder parts of marriage. I think that get's overlooked for most people and they just think that they'll get hitched and everything will just immediately flow perfectly. That might happen for some people, but definitely not most. I think that the smaller, intimate weddings are the best way to go. The focus remains on the couple and not on how much “bling” the wedding has. Thanks for reading and commenting (again lol).

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  3. nikkie says:

    Love this line, “agree that some individuals are more concerned with getting married rather than actually being and staying married.” Im sorry, im commenting on everything. I had a small wedding and our wedding was focused on us, but also enjoying that moment with family and friends. It was weekend for everyone for us. My hubby and I just lived before we got married(together 4, married 2). I think people forget the hardest part is learning to live with someone.

    http://www.nikkiedidit.blogspot.com

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  4. Derrell Jamison says:

    That's exactly how we felt as well. People go out of their minds trying to plan and put on a big show and then spend the next few years paying it off. It's definitely better to focus on the “days after” rather than that 'one day'. It's always nice to know that we aren't the only ones that look at things this way. Thank you so much for reading and commenting!

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  5. Derrell Jamison says:

    It's great that you have the sound mind to KNOW whether or not you're ready for marriage. A lot of people aren't mature enough to admit that fact and they go ahead and get married any way. That only leads to problems in the long run! Thank you for reading!

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  6. Melissa B. says:

    I totally agree. I got married young (at 20) but we still did it the way we wanted and had a super small wedding (roughly 30 people) and it was the right decision for us, but too many people, you're totally right because I've said this before, focus on the wedding and don't focus on any of the days after it. Not to mention, all that stress for one day – it's just not worth it. If I have to get that stressed out about it, I don't want to do it. A lot of our friends got married in the same summer a few years after us and some of them had crazy huge and elaborate weddings and I saw how stressed out they were about it and I was like “No thanks, not for me.” Our wedding and marriage were great and I enjoyed it and I enjoy being married and we have a strong marriage, which I can't say the same for all our friends. It's one day but we elevate it to near god-like status, it's crazy.

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  7. Martin says:

    I completely agree with you on this, Derrell. So many things about our society and western culture revolve around keeping up with appearances and doing things because that's what society dictates rather than what is right for the individual(s) involved. You have a new follower, man. Good stuff.

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  8. Derrell Jamison says:

    It's great that you have the sound mind to KNOW whether or not you're ready for marriage. A lot of people aren't mature enough to admit that fact and they go ahead and get married any way. That only leads to problems in the long run! Thank you for reading!

    Like

  9. Lauren says:

    I definitely agree. With the way my parents were growing up, I never was one of those little girls that envisioned her wedding. For a long time, I thought I'd never get married, and I didn't waste time thinking about it. Now? The reasons I didn't think I would never get married don't exist anymore, but I'm still not making any big plans. Marriage is work – a LOT of work. And if I'm going to take that step, I want it to last. That's really all I care about. The ceremony and the dress and the reception and everything else… I'll worry about that when I need to.

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  10. bri - deliciouslyactive says:

    Although I had a big wedding (no debt since my dad paid), I agree that too many times women plan the wedding instead of putting my thought into the marriage. Marriage is hard work and some folks don't know what they're getting themselves into.

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  11. Whit says:

    I Couldn't agree more. I live in an area where people get married young and fast (… it's Utah…) It's almost as if there's a social stigma attached to being 25 and not married. Even though I followed the trend and got married younger than planned (22) I see too many marriages fail because the dating period lasted 3 months and they were trigger happy about planning a wedding and not a marriage. Great post –
    New follower – Whit at Raspy Wit

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