There is a mentality that plagues the majority of the males that I’ve encountered. Something in our brains makes us honestly believe that being a “player” is desirable, manly even. When exactly did that become the norm? Sit in a room full of guys long enough and the stat comparison conversation will eventually surface. Every guy making his claim of having the biggest/best “team” of women. In my honest opinion, it’s all just for show. We carry ourselves as if we have no desire for real intimacy and affection and present a front that says “All I need is sex”. Don’t get me wrong, this MIGHT be true for some people but it is nothing more than a falsity for the vast majority.

I say this simply because men have an actual desire for companionship but society has conditioned most of us to believe that this isn’t acceptable. Not only that, most of our friends don’t help the cause very much either. Imagine a guy telling his boys “Man, you see that girl right there? I bet she would make a great girlfriend!” More than likely that conversation would actually turn out like “Man, you see that girl right there? She has a fat a**, I’m going to go talk to her.” Say what you will, but 9 times out of 10, that’s what happens. I won’t lie, men are first attracted to what they see, regardless of what they feel on the inside. We may desire a certain type of woman in our hearts but our eyes make us want a different woman solely based on their appearance. We will go after a woman and eventually get into a relationship with her (or not) simply based on her physical features and our primal instinct to mate. She could be a loud mouth, inconsiderate, selfish, and petty individual but we’ll just tolerate it because she’s pretty. 

Seriously.

That’s the way we think. Let’s put it this way: Your car has 3 tires, a broken steering wheel, no radio, AND a leaking gas tank but you refuse to find another one simply because this one has a nice paint job. You see the problem with this way of thinking now? This is where cheating boyfriends/husbands and men who hate their baby mother’s come from (the majority of the time). It happens because we let ourselves get involved with a girl simply because of her looks and then we realize later on that she doesn’t have any of the other qualities that we desire. A mature man would end the relationship at this point because he realizes that there is no future for it. 

A mature man would do that, but what do you think most of us do? 

We stay. 

Why? Because we’re dumb. That’s the simplest way to put it. We stay in the relationship because it’s comfortable at this point, regardless of the fact that we might be miserable on the inside. Nowadays, people get in the way of their own happiness. While they’re wasting time with this person that they have no real desire to be with, the person that they actually desire is passing right by them. Sad isn’t it? And the moment you go and try to form a relationship with the other person because you know they’re better for you….it’s called cheating.

Cheating is bad horrible…take it from me.

Being on either end of that coin will leave you feeling empty and lifeless. There’s a saying that goes “You can’t bake your cake and eat it too” — It’s mainly because most of you are terrible cooks. So do yourself a favor, either love the one you’re with OR let them go so that you are both free to find the one that you need. 

And as a man, who has been there, done that, went back, did it again, finally got it right and found the one he loves and got married…here’s my advice:

Look into your heart and ask yourself what type of person you desire and make yourself a promise that you won’t just settle for the first thing that walks by. Playing the “game” might be fun, but at the end of the day having 1 amazing teammate is always better than having a team full of rejects. 

Think about that.